


I'm No Superman

by lls_mutant



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-15
Updated: 2010-03-15
Packaged: 2017-10-08 00:43:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/70952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lls_mutant/pseuds/lls_mutant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There wasn't much on New Caprica that Felix could change, not with the Cylons in charge.  But some people he could help, even if he'd never expected they'd need it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm No Superman

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to falafel_musings for the excellent beta. I know that homophobia isn't supposed to be an issue in the Twelve Colonies, but I figure there's room for latitude with the Sagittarons.

The night was cold, and Gods knew that didn't distinguish it from any other night. Felix pulled the cap over his head- aside from the warmth, his curls were far too distinctive. He shoved the packet into his coat and his hands in his pockets and left the tent.

Jake bounded to his feet when he approached, tail wagging and tongue lolling out. "Hey boy," Felix said softly, bending over to scratch the dog's ears. Jake whimpered in appreciation.

It was dangerous, he knew, but Jake was the only creature on New Caprica that greeted him with any semblance of enthusiasm. He sat down on the cold ground. The dog immediately put his head in Felix's lap, drooling all over his pants. Felix obligingly kept scratching his ears, watching the huddled figures that darted by.

"You're okay with me, aren't you, boy?" he asked, noticing how matted the hair on Jake's ears was. "Good thing you're so dumb. If you had half a brain, you'd hate me, too."

Someone snorted. Felix glanced up wildly, his heart pounding until he spotted the teenaged boy, leaning against a pole. He was tall and husky and kind of reminded him of Tyrol, especially with that angry smirk. His brown hair was shaggy around his ears, and his clothing was more ragged than most of the garments that Felix had seen. The boy touched an elbow and another boy turned and smiled. This one was shorter, with hair that brushed past his worn collar and a coat that was three sizes too large for him. Felix was suddenly very aware of the quality of his own clothing and shivered. He guessed that both boys were around sixteen or seventeen.

"You're talking to a dog," Tyrol's look-alike informed him. "Do you really think he's going to answer?"

"These days, no answer is better than anything else I hear," Felix said sourly.

"Aw. The Cylons aren't being nice to you?"

"Andrew, stop it." The skinnier one hit his friend, looking nervously at Felix. "Don't you know who he is?"

"Course I know who that is," Andrew said imperiously. "It's Baltar's dickless yes-man. He's not going to do anything to us. He's pathetic. In fact, he's so hard up for a frak, his only shot at anything would be frakking that dog." The teenagers laughed, and Felix's ears burned. Because the worst thing was, everything the kid said was right.

"Come on," Andrew said, gesturing to his friend, "let's let the lovers have a little privacy." His friend laughed, and the two of them ran off. Felix watched them go.

But as they left, he noticed that Andrew glanced back over his shoulder, watching for his reaction.

***

"I don't get it," Felix told Jake. "She says she wants to help. Why? What's in it for her?"

Jake's tail thumped the ground.

"Boomer was always a good sort, of course." He stooped, and Jake eagerly rolled over for a tummy rub, writhing in the dirt. "She had no idea what she really was. Of course, they probably programmed her to be that way. Incredibly sympathetic, easy to get along with, nice…" he sighed. "Everyone liked Boomer. They have to know that. That's why they made that Boomer clone that Helo's in love with. Well, if that's what they're trying on me, they're barking up the wrong tree, I tell you. Heh. Glad you enjoyed the joke," he said, as Jake sat up and slobbered all over his face.

Someone laughed.

His heart choked his throat yet again, until he saw the two teenagers watching him. Andrew and… he shook his head slightly. Andrew leered at him.

"You actually took my suggestion, then?" he said. "Frakking the dog?"

"Andrew," his friend hissed, but in a delighted sort of way.

"Yeah, well, it's either that or a One today," Felix said dryly.

Andrew made a face. "I think you made the right choice."

"You really have to frak a One?" the other kid asked, with a tremble to his voice that meant he might actually believe it.

"No, the One fraks him."

"Funny," Felix said. He looked at the boys again. "You know my name," he said. "What are yours?"

"Don't tell him," Andrew said. "He'll just toss us into detention."

"First of all, if I really wanted to do that I could call a Centurian over, or one of the NCP, without knowing your names. I'm not doing that. Secondly, I already know that your name is Andrew. You know my name is Felix. It's a common courtesy to introduce yourself to someone before you start making suggestions about their sex life."

Andrew flushed uneasily, and the other boy made a face. "I'm Alex," he said reluctantly. "Alex Norvin."

"Nice to meet you," Felix said with exaggerated politeness. He scratched the dog's ears again. "This is Jake."

Alex cracked a smile, and even Andrew seemed to soften a little. "Is he your dog?" Alex asked.

"No, he belongs to one of the doctors." Both boys stiffened a little at the word _doctor_. "What?"

"Nothing," Alex began, but Andrew's expression had turned completely mocking again.

"Can't imagine a butcher like that caring about an animal," he said.

"Oh. You're Sagittarons," Felix said, which made everything make a little more sense.

"Yeah. What of it?" Andrew demanded. "You wanna make something of it?"

"Aren't Sagittarons pacifists?" Felix taunted.

"Not all of us."

"Andrew, stop it," Alex implored.

To Felix's surprise, Andrew glanced down at Alex and backed down. "Fine," he muttered. "But I could have taken him. Dog frakker that he is."

"Probably," Felix agreed, "but then you'd have to deal with Jake. He'd be a dog with nothing to lose without me."

"A very dangerous enemy indeed," Alex agreed, barely keeping a straight face.

"Desperate men- or dogs- seek desperate measures."

"There's no telling what he'd do."

"Or how far he'd go in his quest for revenge."

"Or-" Alex was cut off by the klaxon ringing out. "It's almost curfew," he said reluctantly, turning to Andrew. "And we've got a long way to go."

Felix nodded. "Do you want me to walk you back your settlement?" he offered. "If you're with me, you won't get in trouble."

"We'll be fine," Andrew said. He grabbed Alex's arm. "Come on. Let's go."

"See you," Alex said to Felix. They headed off into the night.

_Just as well,_ Felix thought. When he was sure they were gone, he put the message in the garbage dump, flipped over Jake's bowl, and headed back to his own tent.

***

The Sagittarons kept to themselves. Felix had never minded that. Oh, Dee was his best friend and he liked Tom, and rumor had it that one of the _Pegasus_ CIC guys was Sagittaron, but on the whole, he was content to avoid them. It wasn't that they were ignorant or judgmental or horrendous, he told himself. He just didn't understand their way of life at all.

The Sagittaron settlement was removed from the rest of New Caprica's city, clustered in what was almost a town of its own. It was funny. The tents looked exactly the same. There were the same scraggly farms at the edge of the settlement. And yet, a different sort of smell wafted from some of the tents, acrid and sulfurous. Belatedly, he realized it was the burdock root that the Sagittarons used to treat their maladies.

Conditions were bad all over- he knew this, he made himself see it. But here in the Sagittaron settlement, they were even worse. The clothing was more worn, more patched, and small luxuries like electric heaters and the crude soap most Colonials were using were infrequently spotted. The showers here were outdoors and communal, with moldy canvas walls and rusted leaking pipes and puddles of frozen mud crushing under his feet. He passed a small, rough shed and the odor that assaulted his nose loudly announced its purpose. He stared at the settlement for a long time, angered that this was the state of humanity in his city.

"Hey!" A big man was coming at him. "Hey! You! Gaeta!"

Felix turned. "Yes?"

"Get the frak out of here."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me." The big man strode right up to him. "We don't like your kind here."

Felix almost laughed- it was straight out of a bad movie. "I'm not a Cylon," he said.

"I don't mean Cylon. We know what you are, Gaeta, and the Gods frown on your type. They thunder in the heavens and ready the lightning bolts, determined to smite you down."

"Ah," Felix glanced around, noticing that they were attracting the attention of others. "Look, I'm doing what I can to help people. If I left the administration, all I'd be doing –"

The man began to laugh. It wasn't a happy sound, and it chilled Felix to the bone. "I don't care about any of that," he said. "Don't even care so much that you're a killer, especially since you saw the error of your ways." Felix blinked, brow furrowing, and then realized the man was referring to his military service. "But you're an unnatural abomination," the man continued, "and the Gods don't stand for your kind. The Gods decreed that lying with another man as you would a woman is a sin." Around them, the people watching began to murmur, and Felix saw flashes of anger and disgust. The man pointed at him. "I've seen you," he shouted. "I've seen you with that teacher boy. I've seen you with that Two. And we've all seen how you look at the President!"

Felix was so dumbfounded that he said the first and only thing that came to his mind. "A Two?"

"A Two." The man swung, catching Felix off guard. His head jerked around with the impact, and his jaw exploded in pain. He rolled with the punch, and then came up swinging.

Felix wasn't a big man, or even an exceptionally strong one, but years of training weren't easily forgotten. He was able to get in a few good punches- enough to get away from his attacker. And then, casting a quick glance at the furious and hating faces around him, he ran.

"That's right, pansy!" someone shouted after him. "Run!"

He ran until it felt like his lungs would burst and sweat was pouring off his brow. Finally he stopped doubled over and panting, trying to regain his breath. He was by the pyramid court, back on familiar territory. Safe territory. He almost laughed at that thought- Cylons were considered safe. Then he noticed Tigh and Tyrol, sitting on the risers and watching the game.

"Got a Cylon after you?" Tigh mocked.

Completely shaken, Felix said nothing.

***

"Are you all right?" the Eight asked him that night, as he bent over his desk in _Colonial One_. "You've been very quiet today."

"I'm fine," Felix told her. She didn't look like she believed him. She had that same skeptical expression that Boomer used to get when Felix insisted he'd come out of drinking instead of spending half his downtime in the _Galactica_ lab, or when he tried to tell her that he had no interest one Dr. Gaius Baltar. Not for the first time, he wondered how much this Eight knew from Boomer.

"You have a cut," she said, touching it gently.

"Yeah. Just got… well, I walked into something I probably should have seen coming today. Do you mind if we don't talk about it?"

"Of course." She looked like she was going to leave it, and then hesitated. "Felix? Were they human or Cylon?"

"Human," he said dryly. "Not that it matters." He smiled ruefully at her, and patted her hand. "Believe me, it's not anything like you'd think. _I_ didn't even think of it. So don't worry about it."

"I can't help but worry about you," she said, and he flushed.

"Believe me, I'll be all right." He glanced at the door. "I have some more work to finish before I go home tonight."

"Of course." She backed away. "Be careful."

He smiled at her. "Of course. You be careful, too."

***

"What do you think?" he asked Jake that night, as he sat on the ground and scratched his ears. "She seems like she genuinely cares. Not that anyone else in that blasted ship does," he said bitterly, thinking of Gaius. He slammed that door shut, tried to ignore the searing pain that came with even the name.

Jake sighed and pushed his nose into Felix's lap. Felix shook his head. "You're insatiable, do you know that?" he asked, scratching more vigorously.

"A Two," he said suddenly. "Where the frak did they get a _Two_ from? I don't think I've ever spoken to a Two outside of _Colonial One._ He shook his head. "The teacher's name was Brian," he told Jake. "And Gaius…" he snorted angrily. "Guess I always knew everyone knew that one." He rolled his eyes. "Yeah. I'm _so_ good at hiding things," he told Jake.

Jake barked, and Felix looked up to see Andrew and Alex approaching. They were deep in conversation.

"No way," Andrew said. "Look, there is just no way Azirene would have beaten Maksen. Just not possible. Not with Maksen's tactical abilities." Felix's ears perked up.

"He could, too," Alex insisted. "You can be sneaky and strategic all you want, but it doesn't change the fact that Azirene can see the future."

'He can see _a_ future," Andrew riposted. "He's not always right."

"He's never been wrong. Not in canon, anyway."

"Actually," Felix interjected, and they both spun to face him, "he was. In the second to last issue that came out, they did a whole plotline with Azirene saying that Jemison and Rusary blow up Scorpia, but it never happened. It was pretty intense- they did a whole examination of different points in time where people made choices that could bring about different futures."

"They did the same thing in the Whencecame Universe," Andrew said disdainfully.

"Yeah, but there they were trying to make the predicted future happen the way it did," Alex pointed out.

"It's hardly a new device," Felix admitted, shrugging. "Marihess wrote _The Time Traveler's Boyfriend_ over three hundred years ago."

"Never heard of it," Alex said.

Felix sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Of course you wouldn't have. It's probably banned on Sagittaron."

"Why?" Alex asked.

Felix gave a sarcastic smile. "Because the time traveler is male."

"Better a fag than a dog frakker," Andrew said, arms crossed and looking angry.

"Dogs do have their attractions," Felix said. "No man would ever be as loyal as Jake here is." Jake responded to the affectionate tone by licking Felix's face, and Felix pushed him away. "But significantly less drool is usually involved." He went back to the original subject. "What was the last issue of The Legion that you guys got?"

"Number one hundred and twenty two," Alex said.

"You're kidding. That one was a total cliffhanger!"

'Tell me about it! And no one we've known's read the series. In fact-" whatever Alex was about to say was cut off by the announcement of curfew. "Gods damn it. We'd better hurry," he said to Andrew.

"You going to be here tomorrow night?" Andrew asked.

Felix shrugged. "Where else do I have to go?"

The boys took off. Felix watched them go mournfully. He really would have liked to have continued the conversation. "Great," he told Jake, "the only people I talk to any more are a Cylon, a dog, and a pair of teenaged Sagittaron boys. _I_ should be a comic book." He gave Jake a final scratch and struggled to his feet. He glanced around, and then put the message in the dump and flipped the bowl, and trudged through the cold night like always.

When he got to his tent, the Eight was waiting for him. "Hey," he said, a little surprised. "What are you doing here so late?"

"What are you doing out?" she asked worriedly. "If the Ones saw you, they'd put you in detention for sure! Felix, you can't keep doing this!"

"I'll be all right," he said. "Come on in."

She followed him, looking around like she always did, like it was always the first time she'd entered his home. He wondered how this tent- this city, really- looked to her. She'd explained projection to him, and he was left guessing how she saw the world, and how she really saw him. He shook his head angrily.

"So, where were you so late?" she asked, with just a hint of steel in the question, and then smirked. "And don't even tell me work, because I checked your office."

"No, I… I was seeing some friends." Thinking of Alex and Andrew, he knelt down and pulled a box from under his bed. "We were having an interesting conversation and lost track of time." He opened the box and sifted through, finding the books he was looking for easily. She looked over his shoulder.

"What are those?"

"Comic books."

"Aren't they for children?" she laughed.

"Not these. Trust me." He sat down on the cot and handed her one. Her eyebrows went up as she flipped through, glancing through the illustrations. "I picked these up on my last shore leave, a few weeks before the attack on the Colonies. They're a really interesting way to tell a story. I've been reading this series for years, but it's not as popular as some of the others."

She was still looking through the books. "The artwork is very impressive. It does make it easier to see exactly what the author wants you to see."

"Exactly."

"What are you going to do with them?"

"Give them to my friends."

"That's really nice of you. I imagine you could trade these and get something for them. But you're giving them away."

He shrugged it off. "I could only trade if I found someone who wanted them. That's the only thing that gives something worth; if someone values it."

She smiled again. "I know. Believe me, I know." She put the books aside. "Felix, I can help you."

"Help me?" he asked, willing his body not to freeze in alarm.

Her eyes were wide and earnest now. "I know that a lot of people have disappeared. I could help you find them, and if they're in detention, help you get them out."

His heart did an odd thing where it slowed down for a moment and then lurched back into an accelerated pace. She hadn't found him out, but what she was offering….

He couldn't trust her. Not right away, not like that. He knew that. But he could give her a list, a few names. And if she came through, if she got them out, he could give her more.

"Are you sure?" he asked hoarsely. "If you're caught…"

"I know the consequences," she said.

He studied her face. She was serious about this- it was written in the determination in her eyes and the set of her jaw. He'd known something was coming… she'd mentioned helping before. But this was more than he'd dared to hope for. "All right," he breathed. He slowly sat down at his desk, and pulled out a pad of paper. He glanced at her once more, and then began to write. As he wrote, he realized how many people were gone, how truly desperate things were becoming.

"This list," he said, his voice shaking as his hand kept writing, "Some of these people I haven't seen in a long time. They may already be… Gods!"

"The Ones, they keep good records. If somebody's locked up, I can find them. And get them out. We can do this."

He sighed, and she touched his hand gently. "Really," she said, looking him in the eye.

Something stirred in him. It was a feeling he almost didn't recognize at first, and when he did, he pulled away from her in confusion. He turned his attention back to the list, but she stayed close.

Finally, he folded the list over and handed it to her. She took it and slipped it into her jacket, and he watched her go, letting his breath out slowly.

***

Felix walked through the streets of his city, wishing he could project like she could and see the city the way he meant it to be. Instead, all he could see was mud, rags, and the drawn, miserable faces of people turning away from him. He wished he could make them all project, make them live in a better world, even if it was only in their heads.

Andrew and Alex were waiting. Not obviously- they stood slouched, hands in pockets, arguing animatedly about something. They noticed him- he could see the shift in Alex when he approached- but they didn't acknowledge him yet. Felix grinned to himself, and the approached Jake.

"I'm sorry. I know I'm late, darling, but there was this bitch…" Jake barked, wagging his tail ferociously. "Oh, sweetie, you _know_ it was nothing. You're my one, my only, my… come here and give me a kiss." He knelt down and the dog bounded over to him and slobbered on his face. He turned to the boys.

"Lover's quarrel," he explained. "Would you give us some privacy so we can make up, if you know what I mean?"

"You're sick," Andrew informed him. Alex was laughing so hard he was doubled over, and Felix let the smile break out over his face. "You are really sick."

Felix patted Jake apologetically and then stood up. "I have something for you guys," he said, reaching into his coat. He pilled out the issues. Andrew's eyes widened and Alex stopped laughing.

"No way," Alex whispered.

"I've read them about a million times since the attacks," Felix said earnestly. "I can pretty much recite them.

"But, Mr. Gaeta-" Alex began.

"Look," Felix said, "You said it yourselves- no one reads this series. I haven't had anyone to talk about this stuff with since Billy Keikeya died. I miss it. Take them, and then we can fanboy about it later."

Andrew was still staring at him in shock, but Alex looked very touched. "Thank you, Mr. Gaeta. We'll get them back to you."

"No, don't worry about it."

"But-"

"Seriously. Like I said, I've memorized them." He shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged. "You guys had better get moving. Curfew's soon."

"Thank you." Alex put the books in his jacket reverently. "Come on," he said to Andrew, grabbing his hand. "Let's go." Andrew let Alex drag him along, but glanced back at Felix, eyes still wide and amazed. Felix waved.

When they were gone, he turned up his jacket collar and went home. There was no message for the garbage dump tonight.

***

He was nervous. Tucked into his jacket was the coordinate system the Cylons used in their communications. This was big- it was something his contact had been wanting for a while, and something that would make a lot more sense of the data they had so far. It was also incredibly incriminating. If he got caught with this… he pushed the thought from his mind. He waited until it was almost curfew, and then headed to the dump. To his surprise, Andrew was sitting on the ground alone, scratching Jake's ears.

"Hey, Andrew," Felix said, willing him to leave. "What are you doing here? It's getting late."

Andrew didn't look up at him. "You don't really frak that dog, do you?"

"What? No," Felix scoffed.

"You frak the President though. Or he fraks you."

"No," Felix said angrily. "Definitely not."

"But you want to, right?"

"What is this?" Felix demanded.

"Why don't you answer the question, Mr. Gaeta? Do you want President Baltar?"

He was already on the edge, and the unexpected question hit open wounds that he thought were healing. "I don't have to listen to this," he said. "Frak off, Andrew." He walked away.

"Hey!" Andrew called after him. "HEY! We're Sagittarons, you know!" Felix picked up his pace. "HEY! Gaeta! I'm talking to you!"

He kept walking, his cheeks flushed, angry and frustrated. In his mind, he could see Gaius's face, taunting and distant, weak and pathetic these days. But once… he closed his eyes, willing those images back into the recesses of his mind and heart. Then he remembered. Aside from the sting of Andrew's words, he hadn't been able to leave the message. For a moment he just wanted to say frak the Resistance, frak Andrew, frak the world, but he knew that wasn't in him.

He took the long way back, walking around a block. The curfew klaxon sounded, and the streets began to empty. When he returned to Jake, Andrew was gone. He put the message in, flipped the bowl, and went home.

His tent was cold, and the candles flew flickering shadows on the canvas walls. He shivered, looking around. And then it hit him like a ton of bricks, and he had to sit down.

Andrew hadn't been intentionally needling him about Gaius. He'd been asking for advice, for help. He thunked his head on the desk.

"Idiot," he said out loud. "I'm an absolute idiot."

***

The next day was hectic, but Felix managed to convince a One that he had to talk to the head of the Sagittaron settlement about the sanitation codes that the Fives were so eager to implement. He wasn't surprised to get the clearance- for the most part, the Cylons and the Sagittarons were content to leave each other alone. From what Felix could tell, the Cylons found polytheism offensive, and since the Sagittarons didn't cause much trouble, they avoided them. It was a situation that seemed to work as well as it could for everyone.

He snagged some bread and some dried meat, and even managed to pilfer two straggly apples as a peace offering. He tucked it all into a bag and then left _Colonial One_, feeling like a kid playing hooky.

Felix darted through the tents and mud, hat pulled over his curls and collar turned up. The Sagittarons educated their own children, separate from the other schools in New Caprica, in a tent marked with bright primary colors. He ducked inside, blinking rapidly to adjust his eyes to the dimmer light and scanning the students.

The woman at the front of the classroom glanced up. "What do you want?" she demanded imperiously. What must have been fifty sets of young eyes looked back at him.

"I'm looking for Andrew Timon," he answered, shifting uncomfortably.

"He's not a student here," the teacher said. Her expression hardened defensively. "Why? Is he in trouble?" she asked, as if she always knew it.

"No. Thank you." He ducked back out, hurry away before she decided to start decrying him in front of the entire tent of children. But as he left, he noticed Alex sitting in the very back of the class, working with an older man.

He walked through the settlement at a loss, and then turned towards the farms. As he walked along the trodden earth path, he noticed a tall figure bent over a hoe. "Andrew!"

Andrew looked up, an expression of panic on his face. "What are you doing here?" he hissed, dropping his hoe and pulling Felix off the makeshift road. "You're going to get your ass kicked."

Pride reasserted itself. "I am ex-military, you know."

"All the more reason to stay away," Andrew said. But he was looking at Felix with a measure of grudging respect.

"Is there someplace we can talk?" Felix asked. He brandished his bag. "I brought lunch."

Andrew stared at him for a moment. "Yeah. Fine." He glanced around to make sure no one was watching, and then led Felix through the settlement and to a tent.

The tent was small, with a large makeshift mattress on the floor rather than on a cot, and a pair of worn sleeping bags lying on it. There was a table with two mugs and a kettle, and Andrew cleared away the remains of two breakfasts. Felix spotted the comic books he'd given the boys sitting neatly on a desk, along with a battered textbook and a copy of the Scrolls. There was a crate serving as a storage place for clothing, and a dirty duffel back against a wall, filled with odds and ends.

"Why aren't you at school?" Felix asked, looking around the tent.

Andrew shrugged. "Not much of a point to it any more. Why aren't you at work?"

Felix took the bag out of his jacket and took a deep breath. "I wanted to say I was sorry."

"Sorry?" Andrew asked incredulously. "To _me_?"

"Yes, to you. I was extremely rude to you last night."

Andrew flushed. "I guess I shouldn't have thrown that you're a… that you like men in your face," he muttered.

"Andrew, sit down," Felix ordered gently. He pulled out the food, putting it on the plates that Andrew produced and sat down himself. Andrew glanced at him uneasily, and then after a moment's hesitation, obeyed. "You prefer men, too, don't you?"

"I'm not trying to come on to you."

"No, and I'm not trying to come on to you, especially since I'm ten years your senior and I'm pretty certain you've got a thing for Alex."

Andrew flushed and looked away. "Yeah," he finally admitted. "Not that I ever would have thought it."

"Why not?" Felix asked. He tore off a piece of bread and started eating, more to make the conversation seem casual than anything else.

"We didn't like each other at all before the attacks," Andrew admitted. "I mean, we all knew he was a fag and all, and he was an obnoxious little shit, you know? And I wasn't exactly nice to him, let's just put it that way. And then the Cylons hit. My history class was all out on a trip- we were going for a week to Geminon- and while we were headed there, everything ended. Our shuttle got picked up by the _Zephyr_, and we were living there. But it's not like any of us had much that we could do, you know? So we sort of stuck together." He shrugged. "You hang around with someone long enough, and you learn to see them different, I guess. He's got a lot of guts- more than any of the rest of us. Don't know what he sees in me, given how I used to treat him."

Felix smiled. "People grow up. If you can believe it, I knew one of the guys on the _Galactica_\- this guy Karl- when I was in high school. He was a few years ahead of me, and it sounds like Alex and I had a lot in common. This guy used to shove me into lockers when we were kids. Then he went off to Academy and got the shit kicked out of him, I grew about nine inches and put on several stones, and when I got stationed to _Galactica_ he didn't even recognize me at first."

"Did he shove you in your locker because you were gay?" Andrew asked.

"No, because I was an obnoxious teacher's pet and a twerp," Felix said.

"You haven't changed much."

"Hey, I've grown," Felix said, pulling himself up. "Being gay honestly had nothing to do with it. Or if it did, it was like when kids insult you for wearing glasses. It's such a dumb thing, most people wouldn't think twice about it."

"It doesn't seem dumb to me. Not the way Sagittarons treat… people like us." Andrew turned a piece of bread over in his hands. "What was it like?" he asked. "Telling everyone, I mean?"

"Nothing like what you're going through, I'm sure," Felix said. "I'm originally from Picon, and no one gave a frak about it. My father noticed that I wasn't really paying any attention to girls and added another segment on to his sex talk, and my mother informed me that she still expected grandchildren. That was it."

"The military?"

"Could care less. Or rather, I'm subject to the same rules as everyone else. They don't care what genders are involved in couples, they only care about the ranks."

"Sounds too good to be true. So why'd you flip out on me then when I was asking about the President?"

"Because you were asking about Gaius," Felix admitted evenly. "Not because you were asking about men."

Andrew raised his eyebrows. "Is there something between you and President Baltar?"

Felix sighed. "The short answer is no, not like what you mean. The long answer would take more time than either of us has got to give you. But if you'd asked me about Brian, then I wouldn't have reacted so badly."

"Brian was the teacher, right? The one that worked with Roslin for a while?"

"Yeah." Felix looked down at his hands. "It's a testament to how bad off we are for medical supplies when tuberculosis can kill people. He died in the outbreak that happened two months before the Cylons landed."

"Were you together long?"

"We weren't even really together at all. We'd met two weeks before when I was visiting the school, and we'd just started seeing each other. Guess someone from here saw us, though." Felix grinned ruefully.

"Did you… you know," Andrew said, making a meaningful gesture with his hands.

"Have sex?" Felix asked, eyebrows raised in amusement. "Yes. A few times." Andrew looked nonplussed, and Felix dug into his pocket. "I figured that might be part of what you wanted to ask me about," he said, and Andrew flared red, "and I also figured you might not appreciate me explaining the details face to face. I wrote it down."

"Thanks," Andrew mumbled. He moved slowly to take the paper, but when it was in his grasp it crumpled as he gripped it tightly. "I mean, we can figure a lot of it out, but there's things you'd normally… I dunno…."

"Pick up from porn," Felix agreed promptly. "Trust me. Even on Picon, you don't ask your father specifics about lube and fingering." Andrew laughed. "What about Alex?" he asked. "Is he having a hard time with it?"

"Yes and no," Andrew said. "The thing is, Alex wants to be a priest. Hard to preach the Scrolls when you don't believe everything in them. Makes him feel even guiltier." Andrew sighed. "You know, I suppose that's the only good thing about the attacks that I can think of. Neither of us have to tell our parents." He looked down at the table. "Sounds like you wouldn't understand that part, though."

Felix blinked. "Of course I would," he said gently. "My parents didn't bat an eyelash about me being gay, but how do you think they'd feel about me working in the government right now?"

Andrew made a rude noise. "Good point. Why do you do it?"

For a moment, Felix longed to tell him about what he was really doing, just there was someone out there who _knew_, and didn't look at him with hate and betrayal whenever he passed. But it was too dangerous. "I had two choices," he told Andrew. "Stay in the government or get tossed into detention with Tom Zarek. The thing is, you can't try to help people from detention. The Cylons don't often listen to me, but when they do…" he shrugged. "It's not enough, and I know it. But if it saves anyone, it's worth it."

"Worth your soul?" Andrew asked.

Felix thought about it. "Yeah. Worth my soul." He glanced at his watch and sighed. "Listen, I have to get back. But if you guys have any questions, or you just need someone to listen….."

"Thanks."

Felix stood up and extended his hand, and Andrew stood up, smiling, and took it.

The conversation bothered him as he hustled back to _Colonial One_. He hadn't thought of it as selling his soul. But as soon as he saw the Eight standing there and she smiled at him, he thought that might be exactly what he was doing.

***

It was colder tonight than usual, he thought. He passed Laura Roslin's school and for just a moment he actually felt like Brian would step out and smile at him. To his shock, the canvas ruffled, but the only person who came out was Tory Foster, who shot him a look of disgust before hurrying away.

She'd been at Brian's funeral, Felix remembered, her and Laura. And Laura had even hugged him and said she was sorry, even though he and Brian hadn't even really been together yet.

Not for the first time, he wondered how life would be right now if Brian was still alive. But then, he wasn't sure he'd like the look on Brian's face when he refused to leave his job, either. He sighed heavily and sat down next to Jake. "I can't even get the dead to forgive me," he told Jake. "Aren't they supposed to have a better understanding of this world than we do? Some sort of next-to-the-Gods sort of wisdom?" Jake yelped. "Yeah, I'm not sure I ever believed in that, either. I'm not sure _what_ I believe anymore.

"I've got to say, it's impressive that a teenaged kid can hold onto his faith in all this, enough that he wants to be a priest," Felix continued. "You know, those kids must be in one hell of a position. Too old for anyone to be adopting them, to young to know what the frak is going on. And then everyone in his settlement tells him he's shit for being what he is, and he _still_ goes and believes in the Gods and wants to bring people comfort. No wonder Andrew's so head over heels for him." He chuckled. "And in fact, I'll bet you a nice juicy bone we don't see them at all tonight. What do you say?" He extended his hand, and Jake put his paw in it. "Right. They show up tonight, you get a treat. They don't, I get one." Jake whined and put his head in Felix's lap. "Right, right. We both know I'll bring you a bone either way. Got to salve my guilty conscience with something, and making kids laugh and giving them comic books and sex tips and dogs bones is about my only option these days."

He gave Jake one more pat, and then stood up and went home. There was no message today.

***

Security plans for the NCP graduation. How had he managed to get _security plans_? His contact had been begging for something like this since they'd started communicating, and Felix had been trying. It had taken weeks of tiny little moves, little confidences, sacrifices, and stolen glances at equipment he didn't understand to get these. It would have been easier if he could have asked _her_, but he knew he couldn't do that.

He walked to the garbage dump with something he hadn't felt in a long time… hope.

And not at all to his surprise, Alex and Andrew were there, tossing a worn ball between them for Jake to chase. Jake was delighted, bounding back and forth like a supercharged particle of drool.

"Hey, Mr. Gaeta," Andrew said with a new sort of familiarity. Alex, on the other hand, flushed bright red to the tips of his ears, visible even in the darkness. Felix couldn't help laughing.

"Having a good night, guys?" he asked.

"I'd say so," Andrew said with something like a leer.

Felix laughed. "You guys make me want to be sixteen again." He considered, and then shook his head. "Scratch that. I was still a virgin at sixteen."

If possible, Alex turned even redder. Andrew tossed the ball to Felix, and Jake bounded over, jumping up to say hello. "What, no dogs on Picon?" Andrew asked.

"Not like our boy here." Felix threw the ball to Alex, and Jake was off again.

"You really waited?" Alex asked.

"Waited? Who said anything about waiting?" Felix had to jump to catch Andrew's next lob. "When I was sixteen, I was five foot even and impossible to talk to, with bad skin on top of it. I wasn't waiting- I was unfrakkable."

They were both so buoyed, bursting into grins they couldn't hide every time they looked at each other. He watched them wistfully. It had been so long since he had seen something like this- two people smiling and happy, even if it was only for a moment. And it had been so long since that warm web of happiness had expanded enough to include him. He basked in the warm glow of it, wishing that it could last forever.

They played until the curfew klaxon interrupted their game. "You'd better get back," Felix said, tossing the ball to Andrew reluctantly. "The Cylons have been tightening down on curfew."

"Right. We'll see you tomorrow," Andrew said, flagrantly draping his arm around Alex's shoulders. Alex glanced at Felix as if for confirmation, and Felix just smiled and waved as they headed away.

Their laughter warmed him as he put the message in the dump and continued on home.

***

He didn't think anything of it when Alex and Andrew didn't show up one night the next week, assuming that they'd gotten… distracted. But the second night he worried. And by the third, he knew something was wrong.

He was sitting at the desk, trying to distract himself by working through a list of medical supplies when she ducked in. "Hey," he said, standing up and forcing a smile. "How are you?"

"I'm all right," she said. "More work?"

"Yeah." He shrugged. "Something the Ones wanted me to do."

"Speaking of the Ones," she said, pulling out the crumpled list he'd given her the week before. "I was able to-"

His heart lurched into his throat and he sat back down. "What did you find?"

She began going through the names. "Zarek's still alive, and apparently giving them a hard time. But the Ones won't do anything to him yet, and if they do, it will be public. You'll know." He nodded, smiling grimly. "Muriel Probbins, I got her out. This one, Jeremiah, he died in detention. He got sick. And uh, she - she killed herself. But, um, these two, I got them out. But nobody, nobody knows what happened to the child." She began to cry. "I tried so hard!"

"Hey, hey, hey, you did great," he said, reassuring her. Three. Three saved from detention, out of the list of ten that he'd given her. It was more than he'd hoped.

"I tried so hard!" She was still so upset, and his heart went out to her.

"It's okay. You saved so many of them… Okay?" He covered her hand.

"I'm sorry. You can think of more names, and we can write more lists."

"Of course we can. Of course we can - we will."

More lists. Already he was composing the next one in his head. She couldn't save them all, but she could save some, and even if she only saved one or two, it was worth it. He looked up at her, mutely begging her to believe how much good she had done.

"Yeah."

"Okay? Thank you." His eyes locked on hers.

She sighed, and he found himself moving forward to kiss her.

This wasn't in his plans. He knew it as soon as his lips touched hers- before that, even. And yet, she responded to him sweetly, eagerly. He put his desperation into that kiss, willing her to understand and to follow through, as if by kissing her he could save them all himself.

She was yielding, melting into his arms, her hair soft against his cheek. He touched her gently, like he was afraid she would break apart under his hands and destroy this lifeline of hope that she'd given him. Three people. Three people safe because of them. He couldn't let himself lose that, let her lose that… let New Caprica lose that.

Three people. It was worth any price.

They lay in bed afterwards, and he wrote out his new list for her, hand shaking as he added the names. Andrew and Alex were at the top of the list.

***

She was back two nights later.

"These two," she said, pointing to Andrew and Alex's names. "They're just kids who were breaking curfew. Worse, one of humans informed on them. Cavil told me that the man complained that they were abominations that needed to be punished, although I'm not sure what he meant by that."

Felix closed his eyes. "I am," he breathed.

"I tried to get them out," she continued, "but I couldn't. But they're being treated relatively well. If Cavil hasn't let them out in two weeks, I'll go back to him and tell him that's enough." Her eyes filled with tears. "He _can't_ believe that they've done something," she told him. "It's just not logical. They're so young!"

"I know," Felix said, staring at the names. But she'd gotten four more out. He closed his eyes. "You're doing great. I don't know how I can thank you."

"You don't have to," she said, sitting on the bed beside him. "You know why I'm doing this."

He looked away. "I know." Her hand was warm on his, gentle and soft. He looked back at her. "And thank you. I mean that. Thank you."

The way she smiled made him feel… made him feel trusted, accepted, strong and able to do _something_, even though she was the one taking the risks, getting people out. He leaned over and kissed her again.

***

Two weeks passed, and still Cavil didn't release Andrew and Alex. Or if he did, they were hiding, which Felix could understand. But his Eight kept getting others on his lists out, and he held on to his hope. He approached Jake that night cautiously, and noticed that his bowl was flipped. No one was around, so he yanked the drawer open and glanced over the note.

_Jamming frequencies. PLEASE._

Felix sighed as he tore the note to pieces. Jamming frequencies. "Like I haven't been trying," he told Jake. Jake barked. "You're right," he said, "I _could_ ask her. But… I don't know. That just seems like it could go extremely wrong. I mean, helping me get people out of detention is one thing. It's not like I know who anyone in the Resistance actually _is._ And if I know it, they know it, you know? What we're doing isn't going to kill her people. But getting jamming frequencies…" He shook his head. "It's a line she may not cross."

Jake got up, walked over to the dump, and whined at something. Felix sighed and reached into the tight space, and to his surprise pulled out the chewed ball that he and the boys had been tossing around the last night he'd seen them.

He stared at the ball, even as Jake whimpered at him to play. He looked around at the tents and the mud and the evidence of cold, at the misery of his people.

"I'll get them," he promised Jake. "Somehow, I'm going to get them." He didn't clarify in his mind if he meant the boys or the frequencies.

He threw the ball, and Jake went bounding after it, retrieving it and dropping it at Felix's feet with an excess of slobber. Throw and fetch, throw and fetch… the rhythm of it soothed his mind.

And he began to see how it could be done.

When he arrived home that night, she was waiting, and he had yet another list ready for her. "Did you talk to Cavil about Andrew Timon and Alex Norvin?" he asked her. "It's been two weeks, and as far as I know he hasn't released them."

She shook her head. "I will," she promised. She stepped up to him, her hands on her shoulders as she tilted her head to kiss him. "We'll get them out, Felix. Cavil will see reason."

"I hope so," he said.

***

He got them. By some miracle, he was able to get the jamming frequencies.

He didn't ask her for help. It was too risky, even though they'd been growing closer. She'd insinuated that she'd be willing to help him if there was anything else he wanted to do, but he couldn't ask her to do that. He couldn't trust her to do that. Not with information like this. And yet, the offer warmed him, buoyed him as he made his nightly pilgrimage.

And even as it did, a nagging uncertainty plagued him, deep within his soul. But it wasn't something that required much thought or analysis.

_Dog frakker_ Andrew had called him. _Fag._ That had been another one. Neither of those epithets had ever bothered him. The first was blatantly untrue, and the second was only a crude statement of a fact Felix had never really had to think about. But as he slipped the jamming frequencies into the dump and flipped Jake's bowl, he was glad that Andrew didn't have the first clue that he was sleeping with a Cylon.

Gods only knew what anyone would say to that.

***

Three days later, right after the NCP graduation had gone up in flames and black, swirling smoke, the second list was in her hand again. "I finally got two more out," she told him. "These two. Alex Norvin and Andrew Timon. I told the Ones that they'd been punished enough for such a minor infraction, and the Sixes and the Twos agreed with me. Even the Threes said that we were right, after the bombing. They listened."

He breathed a heavy sigh of relief. "Thank you," he told her, and his gratitude was sincere.

"Tell them to be more careful from now on," she said.

"I will," he said with a smile.

And yet, the next night, they still weren't there. Jake sat alone, his head between his paws and whimpering mournfully.

"I couldn't find them," he told her. "I checked the Sagittaron settlement, but I couldn't stay long. I suppose I may have missed them. And I didn't see them… when I normally do," he fumbled.

She looked confused, vulnerable.

"Didn't you see them? Oh, I'm sure you'll see them tomorrow."

***

"I'm sorry, Lieutenant Gaeta," Tory said, a hint of steel in her voice. "I don't see their names on the manifests."

"You're sure?" he asked anxiously.

"I've checked the lists three times," Tory said crossly. "Looking at it a fourth time isn't going to make their names appear." Something in his face made her sigh. "We lost a lot of people during the Exodus, Lieutenant," she said.

"Yeah. I guess so." He decided to retreat to his lab. Although he'd been assured he was safe from being tossed out any more airlocks, he had no doubt that there were plenty of people who still wanted to.

Andrew and Alex were dead. He bowed his head as he sat at the lab table, the quiet of the little room the only testament to a grief he felt for two boys he'd only just begun to know.

He didn't have a picture to put on the wall, and he was quite sure the Sagittarons would look kindly on "someone like him" coming looking for a picture of "someone like them." He sat down at the lab desk, pulling out a star chart and staring at it blindly.

No picture, no funeral, hardly anyone who would remember two boys just struggling to have a life in a doomed civilization. At best, someone might mention "those two hooligans" or something as a cautionary tale. It wasn't an ending for anyone, least of all two kids who deserved better than being betrayed by those who should protect them. He scrubbed his face with his hands, and then pushed the star chart aside.

Thinking was too difficult at the moment, so he decided to take inventory of the lab supplies instead. He got off the stool and began rifling through the cabinets and drawers.

He was an hour in when he found it- an old Legion book he'd shoved away hurriedly when Baltar walked in. He'd forgotten it was in here, and he pulled it out, flipping it open with a bitter smile.

It had been a year since he'd read this book, and he'd forgotten a lot of it. It hadn't been one of the better issues, which explained why he'd left it in here. But when he came across the picture of the man sitting next to a dog, fondling its ears, he stopped suddenly, and then ripped the paper out of the book in one fluid motion.

It wasn't a photograph, and it wasn't a funeral. But he scrawled the words across the drawing in a black indelible marker, and late that night, pinned it to the wall in the Hall of Remembrance.

_Andrew Timon and Alex Norvin  
You will always be accepted and you will never be forgotten  
-FG_


End file.
